In fact, he abandoned his desires decades ago.
Sunlight couldn’t drip from the tips of my lips once He decided not to show.
There was a time I actually believed in swells of grace,
But I can’t for the life of me stretch my eyes that far.
I found dents in my pre-frontal cortex
And holes in my hollow spots.
I lost my joy trying to find the shoreline of a better universe,
And found it in the silence of these empty streets.
I made my peace with the world while staring into the white noise of that crooked compass.
And learned to respect the fear that it instills when I knelt knee deep in my ancestors wicker basket.
They started a revolution of fates alive in the richness of sensation.
The world sat fetal in their seats and watched as they set the night sky ablaze with mystery and spiral light.
I once watched my mother by the window.
With an armful of fresh life, she just stood simply being what she was.
A lifetime's worth of adoration flowing through the iris of her soul.
In that moment, I found a respect for her struggles and painted tolerance.
Conversations with empty pillows and broken chairs,
Never fully comprehending her beauty outside of the life of the fruit of her womb.
Never fully being able to see her story book ending bloom
Because she chose to live for a love that’s bigger than a woman and a man.
She lives for her motherhood with uncovered eyes,
Never pulling out her heart to take an unneeded stand.
She just stood.
In the company of grace and fear.
She just stood.
And accepted her place in the corridors of her people’s hearts.
I found my place in my mind.
Alone with the conscience that keeps me talking,
Neurotic in the way I maneuver,
And schizophrenic in the way I breathe.
In and out and up and down.
Moving through me like the sunlight that I once kissed in the presence of some Holy power.
A million opportunities for normality knocking at the doors I've already been through.
So here I stand.
Accepting my place alongside my mother’s
The same way that… she just… stood.